I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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