You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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