Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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