so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
3 2 1 whiskey
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
