omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
