and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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