I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
