that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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