dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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