Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
