Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
