I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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