if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
