the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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