Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
