Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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