so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.