My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
