now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?