Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.