Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.