yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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