Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize