Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
