After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
