We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
