Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
