I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.