I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.