You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing