I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.