i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Randomize
