Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice