I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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