There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
