so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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