Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He passed out mid-signature
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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