Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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