Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
