i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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