you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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