you guys were way drunker than both of me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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