im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
