Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
