I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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