I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
