I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
