i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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