i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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