Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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