So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
