Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
