it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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