Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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