tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
