I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
