so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
