don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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