I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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