when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
