She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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