I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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