I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
