Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
