So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
