I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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