one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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