Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
