come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
