i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
