What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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