did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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