i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
