Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
