puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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