the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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