Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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